After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
tell me about the eggs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
