shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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