my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
wow bdsm is so cute
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