I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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