I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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