I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize