And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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