Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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