Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
