the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
