Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
