Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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