I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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