I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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