Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize