I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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