there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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