Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
