After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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