is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
