i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
