I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i will never coherently bang her
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
