THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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