I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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