So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
