I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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