I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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