Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i dont even know how to be here
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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