Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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