We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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