I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
