just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
