She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
