I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
