I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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