I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
