dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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