Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize