Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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