she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
