dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
