remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
