It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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