i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
