how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
