she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
