get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
