hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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