hell yes lets make some ravioli
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
