Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is wine microwaveable?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
