you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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