I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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