I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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