so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Never underestimate the power of titties
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