And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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