my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
