After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
