My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize