alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize