Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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