Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
