Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
