Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
