i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she looked like the before picture.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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