Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
