in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
