I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
