Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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