Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
