I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
