Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
