You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dear god my vagina.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize