We named our party play list daddy issues
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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